"You say you want a resolution/Weeeell, you know ..."

I've never really given any thought to New Year's resolutions before. I mean, I don't really have any vices (except music, movies, video games, crossword puzzles and Alfredo's Mexican Food), I'm not in debt, and I've always been in better-than-average shape.

I don't know why I never bothered to take part in this annual ritual of self-reflection and -improvement before. It's a positive thing to want to improve oneself, and nothing but good can come from it -- provided that the person follows through with the resolution, that is. I guess I assumed since I wasn't eating, drinking or smoking myself to death, I pretty much had all the major bases covered.

So it came as a huge surprise to me when, just after returning home from Christmas vacation, my inner self began pushing several personal resolutions to the forefront of my daily thoughts. I couldn't go to sleep without pondering what I wanted to do differently in 2008. I came up with a small list that, I think, is pretty good for a first-timer. They're real goals, requiring real work to make them happen. Take a gander:

1. I'm going to start saving all my receipts.
This resolution really goes hand in hand with my much grander goal of more responsibly handling my finances. Like I said, I have no debts and I don't plan on falling into that scary chasm any time soon. But I hope that by keeping tabs on how I spend my money -- particularly that harsh, unforgiving mistress known as "disposable income" -- I can better plan how to manage it for the future of my family and I.

2. I'm going to help out around the house more.
Because it's about time I learned how to use all that stuff in the cleaning closet (or at the very least, find out where the cleaning closet is).

3. I'm going back to school.
I've been putting it off for far too long, and now that I know the Army can't drag me back into service, I have no more excuses. I don't want to end up the "News of the Weird" section of the local paper: "88-year-old finally gets college degree, complains of 'too many whippersnappers' at grad ceremony"

4. I'm going to get some real work done on my novel.
Even typing those words made me cringe. It's the biggest cliché ever, used the world over by any dingbat who has ever taken a writing class, to say you're "working on a novel." Brian the Dog's inability to finish his is a running gag on Family Guy. But this dingbat really is working on a novel. I've got almost the entire story fleshed out in my head, and I had some revelatory character developments and plot threads pop in my head the other day. It should come along quite nicely if I assert myself.

5. I'm going to maintain my fitness regimen.
This one's fairly easy. Going to the gym for one hour during lunch is as much a part of my daily routine as brushing my teeth or getting dressed in the morning, but it would only take one or two weeks of lazily skipping workouts for me to just say, "To hell with it." That's why I've got to keep myself on the wagon and my iPod strapped to my arm to make the workout go by faster.

The last cliché Christmas blog you'll ever need!

Why, oh why, don't I do my Christmas shopping throughout the year like I should? It happens every year: From January through November I don't make a single list, buy a single thing or ask my friends and family what they want. Then, from the day after Thanksgiving all the way to Christmas Eve, I'm fighting my way through the cramped aisles of some superstore picking random stuff along the way.

Here it is, a week until Dec. 25, and I still have to pick out at least three more gifts! Worse yet, the people I have to shop for are of the "I have no idea what I want" variety. I can't complain too much because I'm the same way, but that doesn't make last-second shopping any less of a pain in the butt.

It's all the advertisers' fault, I say. There's too much stuff out there being touted as "cool," "new," "limited-edition" and "the last [insert product here] you'll ever need!" It never fails; I'll buy someone a gift only to be told by a third party that what I bought isn't the "in" brand of the season. I hate shopping anyway, but when I've got to think about shopping I feel like giving up Christmas altogether.

The worst part? Navigating overcrowded stores. I can't think of anything I'd like to do away with for the rest of my life than walking through a Wal-Mart or Target in mid-December. First of all, why so many children? I thought the point of Christmas gifts was to not know what you were getting. And yet this weekend I saw dozens of little boys and girls picking toys off the shelf, bringing them to their parents and saying, "This is what I want Santa to bring me!" Kinda takes the mystery out of the whole thing, wouldn't you say?

Anyway, no amount of excuses could justify my inability to do my holiday shopping throughout the year, thus avoiding the chaos of Black Friday and beyond.

Holiday shopping -- it's crazy!

An open letter to potential contributors ...

The Monitor office receives article and photo submissions with a regularity you could set your watch to. Most of them are seasonal (July = a heat-injury-prevention piece from the hospital folks) or event-specific, but every once in a while we get a random story sent to us from someone outside our normal realm of contributors -- unit photojournalists, public affairs officers, stringers -- in the hopes that it will be a front-page, full-color extravaganza in the next issue.

I have no problem with our readers submitting articles of their own; any help we can get filling one of the largest newspapers in the Army is always welcomed. The thing these aspiring Woodwards and Bernsteins need to keep in mind is, they can't just crank out a 400-word essay about their cat (yes, that has happened), snap a photo with their Fuji FinePix and expect us to print it just because they put two days' worth of work into it.

Believe it or not, even some of the non-cat-related submissions we receive from Soldiers on post aren't fit for publication. Most of the time, it isn't the writer's fault; it's usually a random lower-enlisted Soldier with no journalistic experience who got tasked by his commander to write "something, anything about our unit to get [enter unit mascot/nickname/motto here] in The Monitor." That's when we get stories like "555th Brigade Soldiers pick up cigarette butts outside barracks" coupled with photos of blurry, red-eyed people standing around. A news story must have an actual news element to it.

Here are a few tips that can increase your article's chances of being printed in our paper:

- Read other journalist's articles, write yours like theirs. This sounds deceptively simple because it is. Pick up a newspaper -- it doesn't have to be The Monitor -- and take note of how all of the stories within have a distinct beginning, middle and end. Fashion your exposé on reflective PT belts after this format, and I'll be more likely to read it.

- Buy a copy of The Associated Press Stylebook. The Stylebook is a news writer's bible. If what you write doesn't match what this book says, it isn't right. Tons of rules on how the words in your story should look are dictated here, from ranks and abbreviations to dates, times and street names.

- Just the facts, ma'am (or sir). The news is all about facts -- and that's a fact. Unless everything in your article has been or can be proven, it does not belong in a story. The only exceptions are quotes and attribution. You cannot write, "Once again, the 555th Brigade proved it was the best unit on the planet when its swim team, the Moray Eels, displayed unmatched prowess in the pool and won the Invitational Meet by a score of 255-254." That is your opinion. You can, however, write, "After winning the Invitational Meet Friday, the 555th Brigade's Moray Eels swim team may just be the best bunch of backstrokers on base, said the unit's commander." It is a fact the unit commander said those words, so it's OK to write that (even though the alliteration is extremely corny). So remember: readers (and editors) are interested in what really happened, not your perception of what happened. Get sources for your information and mention those sources in your story.

- "This story doesn't have any quotes; it's practically worthless," said the editor. Some people who decide to tackle a writing assignment think it is enough to type out a chronological laundry list of what happened at an event, without taking the time to get responses from people directly affected by said event. This results in a boring, robotic and wordy essay without any substance that reads like a toaster oven instruction manual. Since you can't give the story your voice, you need to use someone else's. Interview, interview, interview -- and you can quote me on that.

- Don't include any of these things in your photos: People standing around doing nothing, people looking directly into the camera, red- or yellow-letter date stamps in the bottom left corner, body parts cut off from the outer edge of the frame ... basically, look at other photographer's pictures and shoot yours like theirs. Editors like to see action shots of people actually doing something. That's another thing -- make sure there are people in your photos. You'd be surprised how many photos we get of a stray piece of furniture, a pile of baseball bats or a half-eaten cake sitting on a table.

- Use full names. No Soldier's birth certificate says "Sgt. Lanolin" (or "SGT Lanolin"). Get the guy's first name. It's Sheepswool.

- Enroll in, and complete, some type of journalism course. Creative Writing doesn't count.

That should be enough to get started. I leave you to it.

- D.

A Samaritan of the "good" variety ...

A few weeks ago, I went to Stout Gym during lunch to work out. You have to show your ID to enter, which I did, and then I stuck it in my pocket. Following my workout, I returned to my office and realized it was missing. I searched the office up and down, checked every crevice of my car and even returned to the gym to see if it had been turned in to the lost and found. No luck.

It was a Friday, so I had to spend the entire weekend nervously wondering who picked up my ID and for what nefarious schemes they might be using it. Did a loose cannon detective take it and use it to jimmy the door of some scumbag's apartment in lieu of getting a warrant? Was it picked up by a college student who, in turn, passed it around to his frat brothers so they could laugh at how bad my haircut is in the ID photo? Was someone using it to pose as me in order to get in to Stout Gym?

The following week, I went to the ID card building to report it missing and get a new one made. I sat in the chair across from a man with a high-tech automatic digital camera on his desk, way more ashamed of myself than he seemed to be. He started to prep the camera, but then paused sharply.

"What did you say your name was again?"

When I told him, he spun his chair around and opened a drawer in his desk.

"Today is your lucky day," he said. "Someone turned this in just this morning."

The man held a small, white piece of plastic with my face on it, bad haircut and all, staring back at me.

So I had my ID back. I felt more elated than I had in a long time. I don't know who turned it in (I have a hunch it was someone from the rather large group of people who were working out the same time I was on the day I lost it), but thank you. If you're reading this, feel free to come by my office. I have a candy dish on my desk that is always fully stocked, and you are welcome to as many pieces as you'd like.

And if you're a loose cannon detective, thanks for not taking the law into your own hands.

- D.

New site, new features, new blog, new news!

Greetings,
If you've navigated your way to this post, you've also probably noticed two things:
1. This sleek, newfangled site will be the new home of The Monitor beginning Oct. 4.
2. We've finally entered that zany, bitter, opinionated and cruel mistress known as the blogosphere, a place where professing the tiniest hint of allegiance to anything -- bands, TV shows, movies, political viewpoints, celebrity perfumes -- can bring an onslaught of heated debate from any anonymous poster who doesn't share your opinion.
I think it works out swimmingly for all involved. You, the reader/viewer, are treated to a Web site loaded with new features, easier navigation and more interactivity. And I get the chance to step outside my normal realm of reporting straight news to hunt and peck my way through the occasional whatever-strikes-my-fancy rant.
First and foremost: Take a look at that new site, will you? Nice, yes? It carries over all the features from the old site and even makes room for some sweet extras. You'll notice the bar at the top, which has links to everything from Monitor archive issues, Fort Bliss organizations, local and national media, weather, sports, government sites and key El Paso points of interest.
The content of each week's issue of The Monitor is broken down into sections on the left side of the page, and individual articles can be accessed and easily viewed by navigating the bottom of the page -- no more time-consuming PDF downloads!
As for the extras, there is of course this blog, "Fort Bliss Voice." As it stands, I'll be contributing the bulk of the posts whenever I have the time. As I get situated, I'll try to make them a regular thing on certain days every week. Anyone can post comments whenever they like, but be aware that the site is moderated and any unsavory remarks or spam will be deleted.
The Fort Bliss Photo Gallery allows community members to post photos with descriptions or comment on others. And again, we do moderate, so nothing in bad taste. Please.
Do you get easily lost (like me) or need to know what time it is in Tokyo (or, say, Iraq)? There's a world clock and two extensive click-and-drag maps -- one of Fort Bliss, and one of whole city -- to help you get around.
Check back often to get expanded coverage of various Fort Bliss goings-on.
We'll be here.
Thanks,
Dustin Perry
Editor, The Monitor